#Trust30: 10 Year Text

Keep writing! Success is just around the corner!

#Trust30: Alive-est When Finished

At just a stroke before midnight on June 24^th, I wrote the last line of my sixth novel: “Well, shit.” As soon as my fingers made the last keystroke, I had a surge of endorphins and adrenaline that would rival the levels produced by jumping from an airplane. Suddenly, I wasn’t tired – I wanted to sing (a bad idea because Dan was sleeping) and dance (an even worse idea…I should never dance). This happy feeling lasts about a day – sometimes two. Then I kick myself in the rear and get busy revising.

As a writer, that shot of natural chemicals is my addiction. Unlike a lot of writers, I get my greatest high from ending the first draft of a novel – from knowing that, despite the editing and revising work ahead, I have told the story I was meant to tell.

The brain rewards behaviors it wants to see repeated. My brain probably chooses to reward finishing because for much of my life I didn’t finish anything. I have scads of half-written novels, half-finished craft projects, and half-baked ideas. If I had never finished The Thief of Todays and Tomorrows, I would never have known about the natural high my brain was prepared to give me. Now that I do, my focus on finishing a novel is almost obsessive.

Okay. It IS obsessive.

Because writing is when I feel most alive.

#Trust30: Meet Titania

Today’s #Trust30 prompt asks:

"If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you?"

My intuition never comes over for dinner. She’s more of a breakfast person. Titania is loud, creative, and prone to outrageous leaps of logic. She commands a larger space than I think most intuitions do. Or maybe other intuitions are just as demanding, but their people are less responsive. In any case, Titania seems to be getting taller all the time – she grows a quarter-inch every time I follow her advice. She’s almost six-and-a-half feet now.

I never used to listen to Titania. When I didn’t listen to her, she shrank. By the time I married my first husband, she was only two feet tall. I kept catching a fleeting image of her jumping up and down, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying at all. She told me, years later, that she was yelling “Don’t do it!” at the top of her lungs. Her lungs were so small, though, that I couldn’t hear her.

I couldn’t hear her for a very long time. Finally, one day when I was alone, she got my attention and I took her advice. Her guidance was so perfect that the next time I had a dilemma, I sought her out. I have her to thank for my life as it is now – and it’s a very good life.

Titania doesn’t have to wait for a dinner invitation to tell me what she thinks. She pops by regularly and pulls up a chair. She can be opinionated, but she’s always honest. And she’s rarely wrong.

Preempting #Trust30: #WriterWednesday Interview!

I would like to interrupt this month of #Trust30 navel-gazing to promote another author’s blog: Aynoit Asher.

Aynoit has written two novellas focusing on abusers and the abused. In the last few months, she has also generously conducted and featured interviews of her fellow indie authors for #writerwednesdays. This week, she is featuring yours truly.

I encourage you to visit her site and see what I and some of my fellow writers have to say. If you're interested in reading my books, you can find them at Inknbeans Press, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and several other e-booksellers.

#Trust30: Enthusiasm

To be totally excited about my work, I have to believe that what I’m writing is worth reading. Maybe not every word – after all, that’s what the editing process is for – but most of them.

If I’m writing a novel and find myself bored, I stop writing and ask my characters what I’m doing wrong. Sometimes I’m writing from the wrong character’s perspective. Other times, I may be writing something that isn’t valuable to the overall story arc. When this happens, a well-formed character always seem to know how to fix the book. After all, the book is about him or her.

If a character can’t give me the answers I need, then the character himself may need fleshing out. I don’t always complete a character questionnaire (you can find some of my questions here), but it is an invaluable tool. After I’ve completed this questionnaire, my writing is usually back on track.

Even when I have a bad day of writing, it’s still better than my best day doing anything else. What can I say – I’m excited to be writing novels!

#Trust30: Giving the Finger

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Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Would-be writers generally fall into one of two categories. Some will tell you proudly that they have never taken a single class. Others continue attending workshops and courses long after they have any real need of them. There comes a point in every aspiring author’s life where he or she either must begin writing or abandon the dream.

I’m not saying that taking a few classes on the art of writing is a bad idea; in fact, I would recommend that everyone who seeks to be a writer take, at the very least, a grammar and rhetoric class and a creative writing class. Both of these courses put tools in the writer’s toolbox. Not learning the basic building blocks of good writing shows a lack of respect for the potential audience. This is one of the reasons I will not recommend a badly written novel, no matter how ingenious the plot is. For me, a weak plot is less egregious than talentless prose.

However, I’ve seen too many talented writers paralyzed by the opinions of a few readers. To be a writer is to cut off a finger and offer it to someone who might have preferred a toe. Not everyone will think you are brilliant; therefore, you must accept that when you send your work out into the world, some will try to send it back. There aren’t enough classes in the world to make every reader love your work – accept this and you are on your way to success.

At last, you must believe in yourself. If you are a good writer, you will find success.

#Trust30: Should I Write about Mrs. Tom Thumb?

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I have an idea for a novel that I have been sitting on since I finished The Thief of Todays and Tomorrows in 2009. It would be a historical novel blending the life story of Mercy Lavinia Warren Bump, better known as Mrs. Tom Thumb, with the fairy tale Thumbelina. As it happens, this nineteenth-century celebrity’s life follows the flow of Thumbelina quite well, and I’ve had numerous people tell me that it sounds like an interesting book.

My biggest roadblock on this project is the historical research aspect. I’m stymied as to how much should be fiction and how much should be biographical. Should I simply change the name of the main character and make the whole thing fiction, or should I try to stick – at least somewhat – to the facts? All of my other books are cut from the whole cloth of my imagination. I’ve never tried to weave more than the basic facts of a time period into my work – certainly not anyone who could be recognized as a real person.

Still, the idea lingers, no matter how many times I’ve tried to put it aside. I wonder: should I treat it like any other book? I tend to take a “damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead” approach to writing. How obligated am I to historical facts? I have read Mrs. Tom Thumb’s autobiography, such as it is. She seems to have wearied of the subject and ended up pulling together a compilation of other people’s writings and articles regarding her life rather than add anything of herself to the story. Yet I know this woman – she fought the perceptions of the times that said her small size meant that she was less intelligent than “normal” people. She chose to capitalize on her size rather than think of it as a liability. She met royalty and presidents and impressed them with her remarkable charm.

Maybe it’s time for me to stop making excuses for not writing this book. Maybe this should be my NaNoWriMo project come November. This is a Tinkerbell moment: if you believe in this book, leave me a note of encouragement.

#Trust30: Learning to Obey My Heart

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Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I joined this challenge on the spur of the moment; I’d been looking for a reason to blog more, and this seemed like an interesting task. The problem is that most of the prompts assume that I haven’t already overcome many of the obstacles and achieved many of my goals in life. The obstacles that remain have much more to do with the world’s reaction to me than with my reaction to the world.

I am happy to say that I have been obeying my heart since late 2003, when my maternal grandfather committed suicide. I was very close to my grandpa; in fact, I’d been living with him for more than a year when he decided to take his own life. A medical condition was slowly robbing him of his independence. He was unwilling to sacrifice his self-reliance in order to live a longer life. You can read my essay about his death here.

After that, I knew the most important lesson I needed to learn was to follow my heart, no matter what anyone else said. I met my husband in the Spring of 2004 and knew within a matter of weeks that he was the one for me. Despite the warnings of some close to me, I chose to pursue our relationship. It was the right decision – these last seven years have been the happiest of my life.

In the early ‘90s, I abandoned college one semester short of a B.A. in English. It was self-sabotage – I see that clearly now. In 2006, I returned to college and finished that semester with straight As; I gained the confidence I needed to stop editing the words of others and start writing original works.

In 2009, I could literally feel a book trying to burst out of me. Thanks to my wonderful husband, I was able to sit down and write that book – and the next one, and the next one, etc. I was obeying my heart – and he was trusting my instincts.

Writing isn’t my job; it’s my vocation. I was born to write and nothing in this world makes me happier than writing. It’s an addiction – seeing characters come to life, plotting stories that tug heartstrings and alter mindsets.

I think my grandfather would be proud of me. He always saw more promise in me than I saw in myself. I like to think he’s been around, nudging me toward my future a little at a time – putting a little of Emerson into my heart long before I recognized it.

#Trust30: Robotic Companions, Anyone?

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Today’s #Trust30 exercise challenges us to invent our futures.

What does my future look like? It depends on how far into the future I’m looking:

Next Year:

I’ll have at least nine novels completed by this time next year. I hope to have significantly increased my fan base.

Five Years in the Future:

I will have written more than twenty novels. My husband will not have to work anymore. We will be able to spend more time traveling and enjoying each other’s company.

Ten Years in the Future:

I will set up a scholarship for Cottey College English Literature majors. Cottey is my alma mater – I have always wanted to do something to support them. Dan and I will be living in Chicago by then.

Twenty Years in the Future:

Indie authors will no longer be viewed with suspicion by readers. Publishing houses and agents will have long since discovered that they can mine the indie population for the writers of the future. I just don’t know if the indie writers will still care if they get a “real” contract. Anticipating a slow-down in my annual output, I will have written at least forty novels over the course of my career.

Forty Years in the Future:

I will be happily anticipating my eightieth birthday. Though I have no children, I will have a legion of readers who still look forward to my next book. Maybe I’ll even be recognized on the street occasionally. I’ll probably have a new pancreas by then – science will have figured out how to grow replacement “parts.” And I expect I’ll have a robotic companion – because don’t we all expect that?

If I could truly create my future, Dan would still be standing right beside me forty years from now. He is more important than everything else – the rest is just cotton-candy fluff.

#Trust30: Choose Your Own Adventure

Because today’s official #Trust30 prompt would essentially cause me to re-publish something I already wrote, I have chosen my own quote to work from:

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson 

I am not a patient woman. This, I believe, is one of the hurdles I have been given to overcome.

When I was very young, I wanted to learn to read. My mother, fearing that if she taught me I would be bored when I started school, refused to teach me. Instead, she promised that I would learn this treasured skill from my teacher. After my first day of school, I came home and complained irritably that the teacher hadn’t taught me to read yet.

When I became a Christian, one of the first things my fellow believers told me was to never pray for patience. Apparently, asking for patience is the same as asking for tribulation – see Job for more details on that. Since I didn’t want to lose everything and suffer from one heck of a case of the shingles, I took their advice.

I have learned the most patience since choosing to pursue a career as a writer. For me, writing novels is similar to nature’s seasons:

Spring = A new idea sprouts, along with a number of weeds (weak or bad ideas).
Summer = I carefully nurture the good idea, growing it a little each day. I let the weeds grow alongside; I don’t want to disturb the growth of the flourishing idea.
Autumn = I harvest my idea, which has grown into a novel. I sift through the novel to be sure I’ve removed as many weeds as I can see, casting the weeds into the “delete” bin, before sending it off to market – or in this case, Inknbeans Press.
Winter = I allow myself a fallow season. During that time, I plant as many seeds as I can and wait for the next new idea to sprout.

Though I may never master patience, I have at least learned to take life and my work in stride. For a little girl who couldn’t wait to learn to read, that’s progress.

#Trust30: What is "Your Work"?

Do your work, and I shall know you. Do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is your work? If you think it’s the place you go every day, you’re being too literal. Your “work,” in this case, is that which you pursue with passion. It’s using your talent, whatever that may be. If you use your talent, I will know you – the real you, not the cookie-cutter corporate you or the idealized, sanitized you.

Truly using your talent – “[d]o[ing] your work” – can be frightening. Despite all our cultural talk about the importance of being an individual, we are a nation with a few originals and millions of copies. If you are a copy, you aren’t reinforcing yourself – you are reinforcing the original.

When you stop imitating and start using your talent as you were always intended to, you step away from the crowd and become something original. It can be frightening. Some copies will try to stop you by telling you not to make a fool of yourself. Others will mock you. Most of them will pretend that you haven’t changed at all, even when the evidence is laid before them. However, the originals will recognize, befriend, and encourage you.

And so, here is the challenge Emerson has laid before each of us:

Use your talents, become an original, and discover your true value.

#Trust30: Alternative Paths

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Taped to my computer monitor is a Chinese fortune I received a number of years ago now, back when I was toiling as a worker drone: “You will live the life that makes all others not envious, but proud of you.” Those words dug a foxhole in my psyche and have held their position ever since.

When I first read that fortune, I was not living a life I was proud of. I wasn’t writing. I’d named and claimed writer’s block for so many years that my family and friends had given up on me ever writing anything beyond a thank-you note – and even that was iffy. I was well on my way to letting my talent wither and die within me, leaving only the empty husk of what might have been.

Those words on that tiny slip of paper shamed and inspired me at the same time. I taped them a few inches to the right of the Dell logo on my monitor, where I knew I would see them every day. And I started to change my life.

I have been looking for alternative paths now for several years. Even when the path ahead of me is clear, I stop and consider what other options I might have. I could have continued to submit my manuscripts to agents – I’d had some encouragement in that direction, albeit not as much as I’d wished. I changed course and self-published. I could have spent all my time on social media tooting my own horn in an attempt to get noticed, but I was just one more voice in the cacophony of the internet. Instead, I became a voice of encouragement and support for other indie authors. Because I turned in that direction, I found an e-publisher who loves my work and encourages me every step of the way.

I continue to search out new paths on a daily basis. Though it is sometimes challenging, I try to never close my mind to the possibilities of the universe. After all, sometimes the messages God is trying to send arrive with the bill in a Chinese restaurant.

#Trust30: Surprise

I am a writer – which means I surprise myself every day.

There are days when I wake up certain that I won’t be able to write a single word. Then I do.

I have stared at blank screen after blank screen. I filled them.

I have written my characters into inescapable predicaments. I found them a way out.

I wrote my first complete novel doubting that I’d ever let anyone read it. Then I published it.

I thought I would be one of those writers of whom no one has ever heard. Then I found fans.

I was certain no publisher would ever want to work with me. I found one who did.

When people ask me what I do, I tell them I’m a writer. I’ve never had a better, more rewarding “job.” And I surprise myself every day.

#Trust30: Fear

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I am terrified of heights.

This means that my dream of standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower may never happen.

This fear is not worth more than the experiences I have already missed. I didn’t climb to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa or take the elevator up the St. Louis Arch because I was afraid. It would be ridiculous to allow this fear to continue to rule my life.

I like to think that my fear only affects me, but it doesn’t. Because I’m afraid, my husband doesn’t get to do these things, either. Not that I would stop him – but he doesn’t like to leave me on the ground while he goes up without me. Do I really want to go to Paris and stand at the base of this incredible structure instead of standing on top and seeing the whole of Paris?

My greatest fear has always been that my weight will somehow cause the collapse of whatever structure I am standing on – which is patently ridiculous. With the exception of being taller than most women, I am a normal-sized human being. I’ve watched as bigger men, both in stature and weight, did what I feared to do.

I won’t let this fear stop me anymore. There are cityscapes and vistas I want to see, and I’ll never see them while standing on the ground. I’m done letting this interfere with my life.

#Trust30: Divine Idea

Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

I don’t believe I hide my uniqueness. I think my husband, family, and friends would laugh at the very idea. I may blend in with the crowd, but that’s generally just because the crowd isn’t paying attention.

So, moving on: today’s #Trust30 prompt instructs me to share the “divine idea” I represent. When I first read this, I was honestly stymied. I had to walk away from my computer for a few hours and think.

Is it really possible to know what “divine idea” you represent? Maybe we represent different ideas to different people. To one person, I might be “truth”; to another, “joy”; and yet another, “faith.”

I hope the divine idea I represent is peace. I don’t believe in living my life in a constant state of chaos. I want my presence to bring a sense of harmony and relaxation. I believe that even where there is disagreement, it is possible to have acceptance. There should never be an “us” against “them” mentality – it dehumanizes both groups.

Perhaps I represent individuality – the concept that each soul is unique. Individuality is like a flower. If you keep it out of the sun, it withers and dies, leaving nothing but a bitter root; with a little sunlight, though, it blossoms and grows into its most complete beauty.

Maybe I represent none of these, but something completely different. And that’s okay, too. I am myself and that is what I represent.

#Trust30: Your Personal Message

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The #Trust30 project and a Book Junkie’s idea are conspiring with one another. Today's #Trust30 prompt is:

“What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?”

One of my Book Junkie compatriots announced yesterday that he would be reading all of my published work and evaluating the oeuvre rather than the pieces.

All of which leads to this question: what message have I been trying to send with my work? I believe I know the answer.

Life is a precious gift. Too often, we allow others to hijack this gift and use it for their own purposes. Only by taking control of our lives can we truly experience happiness – and only then do we make the Giver of Life truly proud.

#Trust30: Afraid To Do

Today’s #Trust30 prompt is “What is too scary to write about?”

I won’t be posting my response on this blog. It’s too personal and too much “mine” for me to share.

But that does beg the question: how much of ourselves should we put onto the web for others to peruse?

My mother was reading the Facebook profiles of some people she knows and found one young woman who listed herself as “bisexual.” This shocked her enough that she asked me if I had read the same thing. I had, of course. In her opinion, this was a case of over-sharing. I wasn’t so quick to agree.

Sexual orientation has gone from something that was assumed to something that defines us. Most of my generation are sophisticated enough to at least mask our initial surprise when we discover someone is gay. I’d even go so far as to say that most of us aren’t surprised – we’ve learned enough of the code-words, signs, and behaviors to decide someone’s sexual orientation long before they have to tell us explicitly. In fact, most of us would be more shocked to find that someone we think is gay -- isn’t! Younger generations seem even more accepting.

So my question is, what’s left? What tidbits of ourselves do we hide from the rest of the world? And should we? 

#Trust30: Five Years

Today's #Trust30 challenge is to write to myself five years in the past and five years in the future. Here's what I would say to me:

Dear Me of Five Years Ago:

You don’t realize it yet, but you are on the verge of changing your life.

In just a few months, you are going to return to college and finish your B.A. in English. Thanks to your professors and peers, you are also going to discover that you are a good writer – something you have been doubting for years.

Earning your Bachelors degree will give you a confidence you never had before. Remember to thank Dan for giving you the opportunity to return to school full time, because the next six months are vital to your future.

Love,

Me, Today

*****

Dear Me of Five Years Hence:

I believe you will have found more success as a writer by now than you ever thought possible ten years ago. You have twenty complete novels under your belt, a network of writers and readers who support you, and you may have even met Oprah.

I’m so proud of you – you achieved something you spent too many years just dreaming of doing. On top of that, you have a wonderful husband and family who support and love you.

Don’t rest on your laurels now, though – you’re only 44! Keep going! Your life isn’t even half over if you’re going to make it to 100. When will you write your fiftieth book?

Love,

Me, Today

#Trust30: Dare To Be Bold

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I want Oprah to select one of my books for her Book Club. I know what you’re probably thinking: Oprah doesn’t choose indie books. However, the whole point of today’s #Trust30 exercise is to dream big – so I choose to dream about Oprah reading and recommending Circle City Blues.

The obstacles:

1. Oprah only chooses traditionally printed books.

2. Oprah probably has hundreds of books waiting for her eyes to peruse.

3. Oprah probably doesn’t think she’d enjoy a book about a truck driver.

How can I overcome these obstacles?

1. I could gift her an electronic copy of Circle City Blues – after all, she has a Kindle. And my books are also available in print. All I need is her email address.

2. If everyone who has read and enjoyed Circle City Blues sent Oprah an email recommending my book, she might actually read the complementary copy I have hypothetically sent her.

3. Once Oprah starts reading my novel, she’ll see that trucking isn’t the subject of the novel – the seven stages of grief are the real focus. She will recognize that this quirky little comedy is actually about recovering from traumatic life events.

So what do you think? Could it happen or is this just a pipe dream? And does anyone have Oprah’s email address?

#Trust30: Come Alive

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I spent a large part of my life planning for what I would do in the future: travel, have children, write, etc. I stopped planning and started living a few years back now. I can honestly say that if I discovered I had only one week to live, I wouldn’t change a thing – though I might strive to finish the book I’m working on!

When I was young I dreamt of traveling the world. When I entered adulthood, I planned to visit all the foreign lands I’d read about and explore their cultures. But then life intervened. The necessity of having a job put a major crimp in my travel plans. And the older I got, the more I thought traveling alone was just kind of sad. When I married the first time, I thought my husband and I would travel together; unfortunately, our goals didn’t mesh well. When the marriage failed, I finally started traveling.

When I married Dan, I wanted children. A lot. To the point that I was willing to pursue fertility treatments that we couldn’t afford. It took Dan, my voice of reason, months – possibly years – to convince me that not having children didn’t make me a failure.

My dream was always to write, but I never believed I was good enough. I started and abandoned many manuscripts over the years because I doubted my talent. Then, two years ago, I went to Dan and asked him to have faith in my abilities. Though he’d never read anything I’d written but a few short stories, poems, and essays, he agreed to let me pursue my dream. I started writing and haven’t looked back. Today, I will have 35K words on my sixth novel.

I have learned this: stop planning the journey; start walking. Accept your life and your talents just as they are and keep moving forward. Standing around waiting for a bus to carry you into the future you want doesn’t work; no bus is coming. Start walking.