Apropos of Nothing: Kristann Monaghan Answers 5 Questions

Kristann is a self-proclaimed 40-something couch potato determined to get healthy and not be those three little letters…FAT.  A Pediatric ICU nurse living in Flagstaff, Arizona, she knows all about how to be healthy, yet just can’t seem to apply this science to her own life. Flagstaff is the epitome of hippie outdoorsy life and she is NOT an outside girl (nor does she like the smell of patchouli and body odor together). She lives with her cat Daisy May (AKA the Ninja Kitten) and is really hoping she doesn’t turn into the Crazy Cat Lady who threatens small children with a really big stick from her front porch. She might have had that experience, but she doesn’t want to BE that experience. So instead, Kristann has ventured into what she calls The Running Experiment.

Which fairy tale character do you feel most like? Why?

I mostly identify with the villains/villainesses in a fairy tale. I am not like those fairytale Princesses. I don’t have sunshine and song coming out my butt and I don’t need anyone to save me. I prefer to lurk in the shadows and cause mayhem. It’s much more fun to be evil. You don’t have to apologize for who you are if you are evil because then you can just blame it on your evilness. Plus, I can practice my evil laugh: Bwhahahahahahaha!

Share a family ritual that has special meaning to you.

Well, there was this one time I sent my infant brother down the laundry chute. That was fun for me until my butt met the hand of my mother. Oh wait. You mean like a tradition. Actually, the one thing I can think of is that we always make these special cookies at Christmas called Kringla. Maybe it’s because I am a Fat Girl that cookies are special, but, really, making these means Christmas is here.  Plus, I really like to eat them. A lot.  Hence, why I am fat.

Say something about poverty.

Poor people can’t afford food, which is a crime to a Fat Girl. Seriously. And why is it that the most fattening food is the cheapest? It’s like saying if you are poor you must also be fat, wear sweats and live in a trailer drinking your wine out of a box. Hey…don’t judge me. Excuse me, but I must run to Wal-Mart now for another box.  

Share something that no one knows about you.

Wow, you are nosy, aren’t you? Can’t a Fat Girl keep some secrets? When you read my blog, you will see that I share almost everything; but in reality, I am painfully shy. No. Really. In a social situation, I am a total wallflower. Going to an all-women’s college helped me break out somewhat and I am sure my Cottey sisters will laugh when I say I am shy. Writing helps me step outside my comfort zone without having to actually talk to somebody face to face and look like a total Fat-Girl spaz. The computer helps with that, but it really doesn’t help me lose weight. Pretty sure between my couch and computer and working nights, I am doomed to be fat. 

Share a childhood experience with death.

When I was a toddler, I had a near-drowning experience where I fell into a swimming pool and a Great Dane jumped in and saved me. My only memory is of a hazy bright ball and the wetness of the water. I have no idea where my parents were when it happened. Maybe they ran to Wal-Mart for more wine. Or maybe I was being raised by the dog. That would explain a lot.

To learn more than you ever thought you would want to know about Kristann, visit her blog.

Kristann, you are the least-shy woman I have ever met. Wait. No, that would be Leslie from dear old Cottey C. But you’re a close second. So this is one Cottey sister laughing. Of course, I’m also rolling on the floor over the idea of you being raised by a Great Dane…. Keep writing. You’re the only person I know who can make me laugh so hard.

My next guest will be Mary Ann Bernal, a historical novelist with a passion for football!