Thursday, September 30, 2010

Writing Exercise

Below are three quirky headlines pulled from the web yesterday. Using one of these headlines as the basis for your fictional piece, write at least 200 words:

1. Naked burglars left sex-tape clue
2. Miss Mafia beauty show
3. Bid to block clown's election bid

Have fun with this! Things aren't always what they seem. If you post your results, I'll post mine.

Susan Wells Bennett


  1. Bim Bam the Clown’s gubernatorial candidacy under fire

    SURPRISE , AZ, USA(AP)--Early today, the Maricopa County Recorder and Election office had the dubious honor of informing one of Arizona’s latest political newcomers that his campaign for governor has abruptly come to a halt.
    Archie Huzenga, a spokesman for the Recorder’s office, relayed that “Mr. Bam’s candidacy has been temporarily rescinded as we investigate complaints about the veracity of certain information on his candidate packet”.
    The complaint stems from an anonymous note taped to the election office door, about candidate Bam’s past. “It brought to light several issues that will require investigation “said Mr. Huzenga. Though the elections office would not comment publically about an ongoing investigation, a source within the office leaked to the media that the subject of the investigation was Candidate Bam’s declared education level and his military service.
    Candidate Bam’s website clearly states that he served in the confederate army under Colonel Nathan Forrest with distinction. He enlisted in 1861 and served the duration of the war.
    It is also indicated that he earned his doctorate degree in circus engineering from Klown Kollege in 1913. His dissertation was considered ground breaking and definitively proved that 40 clowns can successfully and consistently be crammed into small spaces.
    Dr. Bam was contacted for a comment on this story but as he is a strict Marxian (Harpo), he was only able to communicate by tooting his horn once for” yes” and twice for “no”. When asked directly whether he felt that the Tea Party was responsible for instigating the investigation against him, he only answered by emphatically squeezing his horn bulb once.

  2. Dan,

    I'm about to fall out of my chair laughing. Great article.


  3. Miss Mafia beauty show

    Celia scanned the convenience store, finally spotting the camera just a little to the left of the cashier. She flashed a winning smile at it and sauntered up and down a few aisles, waiting for a lull in the stream of customers.

    She tried not to think about all the beauty contests where she’d placed second; those were behind her now. She was going to be Miss Mafia. Never mind that she was the only natural blonde in the bunch, she also looked the best in a bathing suit and had given a perfect answer to the interview question (“Who do you have to kill around here?”). She wasn’t going to let a little thing like armed robbery keep her from winning that title.

    As soon as the guy in the bicycle shorts left, Celia approached the bored cashier, who was filing her nails and chewing gum. “Excuse me,” she said, easing the gun and a folded canvas bag out of her purse.

    “Yeah? What is it, sister?”

    “I’m most certainly not your sister. And I need you to put all the cash in this bag.” She pushed it across the counter.

    The girl focused on her for the first time. “Who the fuck do you think you are? What’s with the beauty queen getup?”

    “Pageants don’t pay like they used to,” she quipped, smiling at the camera again. “Oh, and pop the video tape and drop it in with the cash.”


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